


markus makes a group chat

by WarriorAngel4God



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Body Image, Crack, Drunk Texting, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Humor, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Memes, Multi, Other, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Texting, again hank keeping it real with his low esteem, also our jericho leaders are totally an OT4 they just dont know it yet, bc hank, hank is a millenial and gavin is gen z so expect memery, markus wanted to group chat but instead all he gets is misbehavior, texting au, the team is all together :D
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-05-28 16:37:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15053402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarriorAngel4God/pseuds/WarriorAngel4God
Summary: [5:38]ConnorLieutenant, I require assistance immediately. Are you up yet?Hank Andersonwgat did u doConnorMy hand is on fire.Hank Andersonur WHATConnorI said my hand is on fire, Lieutenant. I have also managed to get my tie stuck in the toaster and cannot get out.Hank Andersonoh my godConnorYour eggs are burning but I cannot reach them. This is troublesome.Hank AndersonJUST STYAY THERE IM COMING DONT WORRY JSUT JFCConnorIt hurts. Ouch.





	1. hey josh have you ever just considered being quiet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah i made bad choices and heres the outcome enjoy
> 
> also north/markus is the only ship thats actually happened in this chapter so get ready for slow burn on everything else :3c

admin command: exit_standby_mode

{COMMAND_INQUIERY: WAKE UP?}  
>WAKE UP  
{INITIATING_WAKE_SEQUENCE}

LOADING…  
...28%  
...49%  
...63%  
...100%

**[MISSION COMPLETED]**

{CHECK_UNANSWERED_MESSAGES?}  
>CHECK

UPLOADING DATA...  
INCOMING ALERT

_You have one (1) unchecked messages!  
  
_

RETRIEVING MESSAGE…

_You have one (1) new friend requests!  
  
_

**Hank Anderson**  
Confirm | Delete

>CONFIRM

 

* * *

 

**Connor > Hank Anderson**

_Feb 12, 2039_

[5:00] **Connor**  
Good morning, Lieutenant.

[5:18] **Hank Anderson**  
jesuus christ connr its fuckin 5 in the mornign

 **Connor**  
Apologies, Lieutenant! I understand that it is early, but work begins at 6:00 this morning. My research suggests that it typically takes between 30 minutes to 1.5 hours in order to get ready for the day. I thought that 1 hour would be enough time. Would you prefer I wake you at 5:30?

[5:19] **Hank Anderson**  
too fucki n late now im widee awake

 **Connor**  
The precinct opens in 40 minutes and 26 seconds. The approximated driving time from the house to the precinct today is 13 minutes and 4 seconds considering today’s traffic.

 **Hank Anderson**  
jesus fukc k connorr let me sle pm,dont giv eme ur shitty google maps traffic stattistics

 **Connor**  
It is hard to understand what you are saying, Lieutenant. Please get out of bed. I am waiting for you in the kitchen. I have prepared a healthy breakfast for you to start your day.

 **Hank Anderson**  
zxcvcnmcb thabks connor

[5:20] **Connor**  
With all due respect Lieutenant, I suggest that you ‘get a move on.’ If we want to make it to work on time then it is required that you are ready to go in 27 minutes and 22 seconds.

 **Hank Anderson**  
with all due respect ur a smartass

 **Connor**  
I’m not sorry, Lieutenant.

[5:26] **Hank Anderson**  
e at my ass

 **Connor**  
That makes no sense. Why would I do that?

 **Hank Anderson**  
leav eme alone existence is pain n

 **Connor**  
Are you alright? Please get out of bed and we can talk about this. I have just found three therapists located near this area to help you.

 **Hank Anderson**  
fhfjkvvnj sh ut the fuckk up co nnor im comign give me 2 secs to w ake up

 **Connor**  
It has been two seconds. You are still not up and out of bed. Also, you have been awake this entire time, so that does not make any sense.

[5:27] **Hank Anderson**  
JEUSUSUD CHRIST CONN OR IM COMING

[5:38] **Connor**  
Lieutenant, I require assistance immediately. Are you up yet?

 **Hank Anderson**  
wgat did u do

 **Connor**  
My hand is on fire.

 **Hank Anderson**  
ur WHAT

 **Connor**  
I said my hand is on fire, Lieutenant. I have also managed to get my tie stuck in the toaster and cannot get out.

 **Hank Anderson**  
oh my god

 **Connor**  
Your eggs are burning but I cannot reach them. This is troublesome.

 **Hank Anderson**  
JUST STYAY THERE IM COMING DONT WORRY JSUT JFC

 **Connor**  
It hurts. Ouch.

 

* * *

 

_You have one (1) new friend requests!_

**Markus Manfred**  
Confirm | Delete

>CONFIRM

**Markus Manfred > Connor**

[8:41] **Markus Manfred**  
Hi Connor!

 **Connor**  
Hello, Markus.

 **Markus Manfred**  
I’m creating a group chat for the team so that we can all talk more easily. May I add you?

 **Connor**  
I do not know what a ‘group chat’ is, but I will gladly join if it improves our communication.

 

* * *

 

  
**Markus Manfred has created Jericho**

**Markus Manfred has added Simon, Josh, North, Kara and Connor to Jericho**

**Markus Manfred has changed his name to Markus**

[8:44] **North**  
What is this

 **Markus**  
A group chat!

 **North**  
Why

 **Markus**  
So that we can all talk with each other more easily!

 **North**  
I love you Markus but this is dumb. why do we need this when we can just use our android connections to talk

 **Markus**  
Because…

 **North**  
??? Yes ?

 **Markus**  
It’s easier to use than our connections…?

 **North**  
Nope try again

 **Markus**  
...it’s more fun?

 **North**  
How do i leave

 **Markus**  
North…

 **Simon**  
hi guys! ^-^

[8:45] **Connor**  
Hello.

 **Simon**  
hi connor! how are you?

 **Connor**  
I am fine, thank you for asking. I am just now leaving the hospital with Lieutenant Anderson.

 **Simon**  
what? why? did something happen?

 **Markus**  
Is Hank alright?

 **North**  
Oh wow that sucks you good?

 **Connor**  
The Lieutenant is fine. I am the one who required medical attention. My hand caught on fire this morning while preparing breakfast for Lieutenant Anderson. I suppose I had the flames on the burner too high. I also acquired first degree burns on my face. My face became lodged in the toaster while it was on when my tie got stuck and I could not get out.

 **Markus**  
Wow. Are you doing alright?

[8:46] **Connor**  
I am in immense pain.

 **Simon**  
oh no! i’m sorry connor :(

 **Josh**  
This may be an awkward time to step into this conversation. Hope you’re alright Connor.

 **Markus**  
That’s horrible! I hope you feel better soon, Connor.

 **North**  
Lol dont believe him Connor he hasnt stopped laughing since you said that

 **Markus**  
NORTH! This is very serious. I would never laugh about such a matter!

 **North**  
lmao I’m literally sitting right across from you don’t even TRY to lie Markus. i see you laughing youre full of shit

 **Connor**  
Are you alright, North? I do not understand what you’re saying. What does ‘lol’ and ‘lmao’ mean? Are you malfunctioning?

 **Josh**  
He’s so innocent

 **Markus**  
It’s texting slang, Connor.

 **Connor**  
Please elaborate.

 **North**  
No

 **Connor**  
Oh, okay.

 **North**  
(:

**Josh has changed North’s name to Bullying fiend  
**

**Bullying fiend**  
Hey what the fuck  
  
**Josh  
** Stop bullying Connor just because he doesn’t understand slang he’s pure

 **Bullying fiend**  
Fuck off Josh??

 **Josh**  
Never

 **Simon**  
oh dear

 **Bullying fiend**  
You little fucker

 **Josh**  
Justice will be served, just you wait

[8:47]  **Markus**  
Guys...

 **Simon**  
josh be nice  >:(

 **Connor**  
I am confused.

 **Josh**  
SHE WILL FACE THE CONSEQUENCES FOR THE CRIMES SHE HAS COMMITTED

 **Bullying fiend**  
Oh my fuck no

 **Connor**  
I don’t understand. When did North break the law?

 **Markus**  
Don’t worry about it, Connor. This is their new way of bonding.

 **Simon**  
i thought you were supposed to be the diplomat josh, not the judge jury and executioner

 **Josh**  
What can I say? I’m trying something new.  
Plus North just has this special way of bringing out the worst in me

[8:48] **Bullying fiend**  
:)))

 **Connor**  
But Markus, he is saying she has committed a crime! As an officer of the law I am obligated to turn her in.

 **Simon**  
connor she didn’t break any laws ;;

**Josh has changed the chat name to Protect Connor from North’s bullying 2k38**

**Bullying fiend**  
Are you serious

 **Josh**  
Yes Connor must be protected from you

 **Connor**  
I do not need protection.

[8:49] **Bullying fiend**  
Josh.

 **Josh**  
Do not talk to me criminal

 **Bullying fiend**  
JOSH.

 **Josh**  
This is not up for negotiation

 **Bullying fiend**  
Turn around

 **Josh**  
Why

 **Bullying fiend**  
:)

[8:50] **Josh**  
yg hFU Ck

 **Simon**  
josh?

[9:04] **Simon**  
josh are you okay?

 **Markus**  
So, uh… how about the weather?

 **Connor**  
It is currently 37 degrees Fahrenheit outside with a 71% chance of snowfall.

 **Markus**  
Hm.

 **Simon**  
so are we just going to ignore the fact that north probably killed josh just now :”3c

 **Connor**  
What?! Why would North kill Josh? Is this why Josh was calling her a criminal?!  
I thought they were friends!

 **Markus**  
Connor… Simon was joking. North didn’t kill Josh.

 **Connor**  
Josh is in danger. I must go help him!

 **Simon**  
connor wait no

 **Markus**  
Josh is fine. Stay at work, Connor.

[9:05] **Simon**  
connor

[9:14] **Simon**  
connor you there?

 **Markus**  
I’m sure he is just busy, Simon.

 **Simon**  
okay :D

 

* * *

 

**  
Hank Anderson > Markus Manfred**

[9:16] **Hank Anderson**  
hey is connor at ur place

 **Markus Manfred**  
No. Why? Is he not at work with you?

 **Hank Anderson**  
well he started murmuring something about north and protecting josh idk,, he ran off in a hurry tho?? and idk why. did something happen??

 **Markus Manfred**  
Oh no.

 **Hank Anderson**  
the fuck does ‘oh no’ mean?? where is connor bc im like 2 secs away from tearing apart detroit markus please

 **Markus Manfred**  
He is probably at Josh’s place. North and Josh had a silly argument but Connor thought they were being serious.

 **Hank Anderson**  
but y would he leave just bc of them having a spat?

 **Markus Manfred**  
I’m pretty sure he thinks North killed Josh.

[9:17] **Hank Anderson**  
jesus FUCKIN christ really

 **Markus Manfred**  
My thoughts exactly. I couldn’t have phrased that better myself, Mister Anderson.

 **Hank Anderson**  
i dont think i wanna kno how that even happened

 **Markus Manfred**  
Long story. Don’t worry about it, it was harmless. I’m sure when he gets there he’ll realize they were just joking.

 **Hank Anderson**  
well as long as hes safe at a friends place idc but im not happy abt this

 **Markus Manfred**  
I understand your worries. I’m glad someone cares for Connor as you do. I assure you he’s safe with us.

 **Hank Anderson**  
m not worried what r u talking abt,,

 **Markus Manfred**  
Sure, Mister Anderson :)

 **Hank Anderson**  
fuck im not worried!!

 **Markus Manfred**  
Anyways. I’ll let you know if Connor says anything about his return back to the precinct. Sorry about all this!

 **Hank Anderson**  
yeah ok

 **Markus Manfred**  
Nice talking with you, Mister Anderson. Have a lovely day!

[9:18] **Hank Anderson**  
btw u dont gotta call me mr anderson. just say hank or whatever

 **Markus Manfred**  
Alright, Hank! See you later.

 **Hank Anderson**  
yah ttyl tin man have a nice day or whatever

 

* * *

 

**Bullying fiend > Protect Connor from North’s bullying 2k38**

[9:34] **Bullying fiend**  
GUYS HELP CONNOR PUT ME IN A JAIL CELL I AM IN JAIL!!!

[9:47] **Bullying fiend**  
GUYS???? I AM SERIOUSLY IN JAIL COME FUCKING HELP ME

 **Josh**  
Justice is served I see

 **Simon**  
oh god

 **Markus**  
Wow, he actually did it.

 **Bullying fiend**  
FUCK YOU GUYS!!

 **Connor**  
Sorry, North. I couldn’t take any risks.

 **Josh**  
Connor you’re my hero you saved my life

 **Connor**  
No problem.

 **Simon**  
i can’t believe connor /actually/ went to josh’s place and arrested north. that’s hilarious!

 **Markus**  
Could you send us your memory recording of North being arrested, Josh? I’d like to see.

 **Josh**  
_[video sent]_

[9:48] **Simon**  
watching that was the highlight of my day

 **Markus**  
My favorite part was at timestamp 00:36 where Josh goes “Is that a police? I’m calling the weed!” and Connor looks like a confused puppy.

 **Simon**  
iconic  
imo the best part is where connor breaks the door and it flies across the room  
you are quite strong connor  <3

 **Connor**  
Thanks.

 **Bullying fiend**  
Youre all fake friends  
You hoes

 **Connor**  
I am not a gardening tool. That makes no sense, North.

**Bullying fiend has changed Connor’s name to Fake Hoe**

**Fake Hoe**  
?

 **Simon**  
north that isn’t very nice  >:(

 **Bullying fiend**  
PUTTING FRIENDS IN JAIL ISNT VERY NICE EITHER BUT I DONT SEE YOU BAILING ME OUT YOU CINNAMON TWIST

 **Simon**  
cinnamon twist?

 **Markus**  
I believe that name fits you quite well, actually. Cinnamon is often associated with sweet things according to humans.

 **Bullying fiend**  
What no it was supposed to be an INSULT

 **Simon**  
markus please omg ;;

[9:49] **Markus**  
<3

 **Bullying fiend**  
DONT MAKE IT A CUTE THING MARKUS IM INSULTING HIM

**Markus has changed Simon’s name to cinnamon twist**

**Bullying fiend**  
You guys are literally the worst. could you stop flirting for like 2 seconds and bail me out

 **Markus**  
I’m not flirting! I’m being nice and complimenting my dear friend.

 **cinnamon twist**  
he’s just being nice north!

 **Bullying fiend**  
Youre all useless

[9:50] **Josh**  
See you in court North  <3

 **Bullying fiend**  
Dick

 

* * *

 

**Hank Anderson > Connor**

[9:57] **Hank Anderson**  
CONNOR Y IS NORTH IN THE PRECINCT

 **Connor**  
Preventative measures had to be taken, Lieutenant.

 **Hank Anderson**  
con she is literally in our holding cells  
she wont stop staring at me

 **Connor**  
I know, Lieutenant. I put her there.

 **Hank Anderson**  
u kno she wasnt ACTUALLY gonna kill josh right?? u realize that was just a joke

 **Connor**  
Yes, I am… beginning to realize that now. I wasn’t really thinking. I have made a mistake.  
Now I’m not sure what to do about it.

 **Hank Anderson**  
great so come down here and let her out and explain that it was a misunderstanding  
i dont think i can stand her glaring much longer  
its like looking into the eyes of hell itself

 **Connor**  
That’s alright. I’m sure the others will come get her soon, so I do not believe it is necessary that I come get her.

 **Hank Anderson**  
omg  
ur scared of north

 **Connor**  
No. You are mistaken. It just seems impractical considering that Markus and the others will probably be here soon. I doubt they would leave North there, no matter how funny they think it is to tease her.

 **Hank Anderson**  
i swear to robo jesus himself connor COME LET HER OUT

 **Connor**  
If you want I can call Markus to come and retrieve her.

 **Hank Anderson**  
connor get ur plastic ass down here now

 **Connor**  
I can’t. I’m busy. Maybe later.

[9:58] **Hank Anderson**  
connor where r u  >:/

 **Connor**  
...I am in the archives downstairs.

 **Hank Anderson**  
so ur hiding down there

 **Connor**  
...No. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m being a productive member of society. I’m archiving things.

 **Hank Anderson**  
ur archiving “things”

 **Connor**  
Yes.

 **Hank Anderson**  
yeah sure ok im coming down there

 **Connor**  
That is not necessary. I am fine down here by myself.

 **Hank Anderson**  
ur not getting outta this easily connor!! u made a mistake ur gonna own up to it whether u like it or not

 **Connor**  
Yes, Lieutenant :(

 **Hank Anderson**  
u dont need to call me lieutenant con  
just call me hank it’s fine

[9:59] **Connor**  
You are my superior. It would be disrespectful of me to address you as otherwise.

 **Hank Anderson**  
could u cut the crap con. just call me hank for god’s sake please,,  
and im not ur superior ok we’re PARTNERS and ur my equal. u have just as much of a say as i do and i dont give a damn what anyone else says.  
including that reed prick if he messes with u ill put laxatives in his coffee

 **Connor**  
...Alright, Hank. Thank you.

 **Hank Anderson**  
why r u thanking me?? for putting laxatives in reed’s coffee?? i mean i was just joking but now i might actually do it

 **Connor**  
No, not for that. For caring. You always involve me and consider my opinion even when the other humans ignore me. You also don’t look down on me simply because I am an android and you are human. You treat me just like everybody else and more. I’m grateful to have you as my partner and as a friend!

 **Hank Anderson**  
christ con ur gonna give me cavities

 **Connor**  
There’s no way I could give you cavities. That doesn’t make sense.

[10:00] **Hank Anderson**  
its a figure of speech thing dw about it

 **Connor**  
I value our relationship above anything else. I promise to always give you my best and nothing less, Hank.

 **Hank Anderson**  
connor,, u dont have to try and please me. just be urself around me thats all i could ever ask of you  
besides im not worth any of that. im just a washed up old cop. ur too good for me. if anything i dont deserve ur 100% so dont sweat it con

 **Connor**  
What? How could you say that, Hank? You’re worth everything to me.

 **Hank Anderson**  
JESUS con u cant just say shit like that

 **Connor**  
It’s the truth.

 **Hank Anderson**  
r u trying to kill me

 **Connor**  
No. Last I checked, murder was not a form of bonding.

[10:01] **Hank Anderson**  
smartass  
hey im at the archive door come let me in i forgot my card

 **Connor**  
Anything for you, Hank.

 **Hank Anderson**  
con just come open the door so i can hug ur stupid plastic ass

 

* * *

 

**Bullying fiend > Protect Connor from North’s bullying 2k38**

[10:23] **Bullying fiend**  
IM FREE

 **Josh**  
oh no

 **Bullying fiend**  
CONNOR, JOSH. IM COMING FOR YOU TWO

 **Fake Hoe**  
Good luck finding me, North. Your efforts are futile!

 **Josh**  
CONNOR WHY WOULD YOU LET HER OUT

 **cinnamon twist**  
he didn’t. markus and i did :D

 **Josh**  
TRAITORS

 **Markus**  
You did this to yourself Josh  <3

 **Josh**  
CONNOR HELP ME

 **Fake Hoe**  
Sorry, Josh. I’m afraid I can’t do that

 **Bullying fiend**  
SEE YOU IN HELL JOSH

 **Josh**  
rA9 help me…  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** There's no one to help you now Joshy  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** life imitates art  
  
**Josh  
** Guys please  


**cinnamon twist is now offline  
**  
**Fake Hoe is now** **offline**  


[10:24] **Josh**  
Markus?

  
**Markus is now offline  
  
**

**Bullying fiend  
** Come open your front door you fuck  
  
**Josh  
** Dammit!  
  


**Bullying fiend is now offline  
  
** **Josh is now offline  
  
**

* * *

**  
Kara > Protect Connor from North's bullying 2k38  
  
**[10:27]  **Kara  
** Hey guys what did I miss!  
  
**Kara  
** Guys?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo YEAH hope u guys like that!! ill try and post a chapter every friday i guess? if u guys liked it xD comments are appreciated a lot!! god writing josh is a struggle because hes the least fleshed out jericho leader but ill do my best
> 
> find me on tumblr @warriorangel4god !! <33
> 
> connor: hank i would literally die for you  
> hank: FUCK connor could u not


	2. wHaT dO yOu mEaN yOuRe aT sOuP??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys i am OVERWHELMED by all the positive comments!! there were just so many and im so GLAD u guys liked the first chapter!! im not gonna lie, i got a lil nervous about posting this next one  
> okay, understatement, im VERY NERVOUS about hitting that 'post chapter' button  
> im scared ch1 was just a fluke, but my bff alex proof read this & they liked it so im jus gunna YOLO this  
> SHOUTOUT TO ALEX bc tbh if they didnt beta me i might b too scared to post xD i RLLY hope u guys like this !! comments and suggestions r appreciated <333

**Connor > Hank Anderson**

_Feb 13, 2039_ **  
**

[13:23] **Connor  
** Lieutenant, where are you? I seem to have lost you.  
  
**Hank Anderson  
** im at soup

 **Connor  
** What? But we’re in Walmart.  
What do you mean you’re at ‘soup?’  
Are you in the soup aisle?  
Explain.

 **Hank Anderson  
** im at the soup store

 **Connor  
** Lieutenant, there are no soup stores in Detroit.  
  
**Hank Anderson  
** i m buying clothes. at the soup store  
  
**Connor  
** Why would a soup store have clothes? It’s a soup store!  
  
[13:24] **Hank Anderson  
** FUCK I CANT CONNOR UR KILLING ME IM SORRY  
**  
Connor  
** Hank?!

 **Hank Anderson**  
IM DYING  
  
**Connor  
** Lieutenant, are you hurt?! I don’t understand! Do you need backup?  
Did the soup hurt you?!  
**  
Hank Anderson  
** asdffhjk nono im okay. its a joke n ur reaction was hilarious u thought i was being for real  
  
**Connor  
** You dying is a joke?  
  
**Hank Anderson  
** yes and no. the soup store thing was a joke im not actually in a soup store im still at walmart i can see u now  
do u see me waving  
  
[13:25] **Connor  
** Yes.  
Why would you say you are at the soup store when you are not? I don’t see how that’s funny.  
  
**Hank Anderson  
** its an old meme con and its the best fucking thing to exist nothing will change my mind  
here just watch it  
_[video sent]  
  
_ [13:27] **Connor  
** Millennial culture is quite strange. I still don’t understand how one would find that funny. Why was that person trying to buy clothes at the soup store?  
  
**Hank Anderson  
** fucking A connor just come meet me in the produce section  
  
**Connor  
** ...Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer meeting in the soup aisle?  
  
**Hank Anderson  
** CO NNOR OH MY GO D UR GUNNA KILL ME  


* * *

   
**cinnamon twist > Protect Connor from North’s bullying 2k38**  
  
[14:06] **cinnamon twist  
** good afternoon everybody!  
  
**Markus  
** Hey Simon :)  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
markus! how are you?  
  
**Markus**  
I’m doing quite well thank you for asking. I’ve just finished my latest painting and am spending time with dad.  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
oh that’s great :) i’m not bothering you am i…?  
  
**Markus**  
Of course not! It’s always nice to hear from you Simon. How are you?  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
i’m hanging out with north :D we’re at a skating park!  
  
**Markus  
** Sounds like fun.  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** oh yeah it is. except she keeps yelling at the skaters to “fucking choke on a flip cowards”  
every time someone skates by she yells "YEET" and throws empty cans at them  
i have no clue where she keeps getting these empty cans from  
  
**Markus**  
Oh dear.  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
_[video sent]  
  
_**Markus**  
Is she… ‘Naruto running’ away from them afterwards?  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
yes  
she literally won't stop  
it’s kind of terrifying  
  
**Markus**  
I knew we shouldn’t have let her watch anime.  
  
cinnamon twist  
i won't say i told you so ;)  
she tried to get on a skateboard at some point  
  
**Markus**  
And how did that go?  
  
[14:07] **cinnamon twist**  
she slammed her foot down on it so hard that it flew up and hit her in the face :D  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** YEAH AND IM GETTING A LAWSUIT FILED RIGHT NOW AGAINST THIS FUCKING SKATING PARK AND EVERYBODY IN IT  
  
**Markus**  
North no.  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
NORTH YES  
FUCK YOU I FELL DOWN AND SCRAPED MY KNEE  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
it was hilarious you should have seen her rolling down the hill like a graceless baby deer.  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
Excuse you I’m always graceful  
Motherfucker do I LOOK like Bambi to you??  
  
**Markus  
** Well at least she’s alright now...?  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
are you kidding? she sat on the ground and cried for ten minutes straight.  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
Thats a fucking lie  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
_[video sent]_  
  
[14:09] **Markus**  
Aw poor baby :( Need me to come over and kiss it better?  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
Ive probably said this before but  
Youre all evil and I hate you all  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
hey i hugged you and comforted you the whole time you were crying! i even got you some thirium afterwards  
  
**Markus**  
That’s very sweet Simon!  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
HES LYING  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
north even told me thanks and that she loved me!  
  
**Markus**  
Oh, really?  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
No  
**  
cinnamon twist**  
we had a bonding moment  >:(  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
Lies and slander  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
i held you in my arms! we even /held hands!/  
  
**Markus**  
Very romantic, Simon.  
  
[14:10] **Bullying fiend**  
Well if that DID happen (which it DIDNT) then CLEARLY I was malfunctioning from all the thirium loss  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
why do you deny me of this :( so unfair...  
  
**Bullying friend**  
Its completely fair because I hate all of you equally  
  
**Markus**  
You broke into my house last night at 3 am and declared your love for me then proceeded to try and ‘jump my bones,’ as the humans say.  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
At least I didnt break any windows this time though  
  
**Markus**  
That’s because you’ve broken ALL of them! I have no more windows for you to break!  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
Yeah and  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
north you can’t just break people’s windows  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
Suck my dick Sim  
  
**Markus**  
You asked me if I loved you.  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
So? Simon does that like every day  
  
**Markus**  
North. We’ve been dating for how many months now?  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
i do NOT do that north!!!  >:( and i can’t suck your dick YOU DON’T HAVE ONE  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
Ill install one then  
And yes Simon you do you are literally the clingiest person alive please  
Not to mention you worry and overthink like EVERYTHING  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
nuh uh!  >:( i deny these false statements they are not true  
  
[14:11] **Bullying fiend**  
Simon dont pretend that like three days ago you didnt steal Markus’ house keys to make yourself a copy  
  
**Markus**  
Wait he did what?  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
NORTH THAT WAS A SECRET! Dx  
  
**Josh**  
Why is it that every time I come onto this chat there’s some type of chaos?  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
Not chaos  
Friendship  
  
**Josh**  
…  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
shut the fuck up north  
  
**Josh**  
Ohhh Simon said a swear word!  
  
**Markus**  
Are we going to talk about the fact that Simon broke into my house and stole my keys so that he could break into my house without technically breaking into my house?  
  
**Josh**  
I can practically see the steam rolling out of your ears, Markus. Please keep going.  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
markus please don’t be mad D:  
  
**Markus**  
I could never be mad at you, Simon. I’m just wondering why you didn’t just ask for the keys. I would have gladly given them to you.  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
i don’t know i guess i wasn’t thinking? i mean i did the same thing to josh so  
  
**Josh**  
You did what?  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
i  
stole your keys and made a copy  
  
**North**  
Did you steal mine too  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
y  
yes ;;  
  
**North**  
Why  
  
[14:12] **cinnamon twist**  
so that i could get into your home in case something happened!!! it’s for your safety @.@ a precaution!  
  
**Josh**  
Aw, you worry about us? How cute  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
um WHAT  
  
**Josh**  
I didn't say anything  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
you called me cute!  
  
**Markus**  
You’re always cute, Simon.  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
For once I actually agree with something you idiots say  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
i’m never talking to any of you ever again  
  
**Markus**  
Come on, you love us  <3  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
what is love  
  
**Josh**  
Baby don’t hurt me?  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
B ABY DONT HURT ME  
  
**Markus**  
Guys, REALLY!  
  
**Josh**  
DON’T HURT ME  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
no more! :D  
  
**Markus**  
Why do I even try with you three?  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
love you markus  <3  
  
**Markus**  
Love you too Simon!  
  
**Josh**  
That’s gay  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
No thats BISEXUAL  
  
[14:13] **Fake Hoe**  
Androids have no concept of sexuality as we are, theoretically, genderless. Therefore Markus’ show of affection cannot be interpreted in such a way.  
  
**Markus**  
Connor!  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
wait omg what  
  
**North**  
Connor where the FUCK did you come from  
  
**Josh**  
Well, this is embarrassing  
  
**Fake Hoe**  
I have been here the whole time.  
Also, how do I change my name? I find this name displeasing.  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
Sigh  


**Markus has changed Fake Hoe’s name to Puppy Eyes  
**

  
**Puppy Eyes**  
This also displeases me. This is not my name. Please fix this error.  
  
**Josh**  
Sadly, Connor, we can’t always get what we want in life  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
pLeAsE fIx tHiS eRrOR  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
_[image sent]_  
  
**Puppy Eyes**  
What is this image?  
  
**Josh**  
It’s the spongebob meme. Millennials used it to make fun of people.  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
wHaT iS tHiS iMaGe  
  
**Puppy Eyes**  
Please do not make fun of me.  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
pLeAsE dO nOt mAkE fUn oF mE  
  
[14:14] **Markus**  
North.  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
nOrTh  
  
**Josh**  
I’m calling the cops on you for bullying Connor again  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
The cops cant catch me IM A BAD BITCH  
  
**Josh**  
You know what else is a bad bitch? Jail.  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
oh no not this again  
  
**Josh**  
Connor  
  
**Puppy Eyes**  
I can be at North’s location in approximately 10 minutes, Josh. Just say the word.  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
You wont do it Josh I know you youre a fucking coward  
  
**Josh**  
Yes I will! I’m dialing right this moment!  
I am NOT a coward.  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
Remember that time someone punched you in the face? So you tried to hug them cuz you thought they were upset? Because I do  
  
**Josh**  
They were probably just having a bad day  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
JOSH THEY BROKE YOUR NOSE AND YOU OFFERED TO TAKE THEM TO ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES  
  
**Josh**  
Well, yeah, what else should I have done?  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
I dunno maybe you should have PUNCHED THEM BACK  
  
[14:15] **Josh**  
But that would be violence and I don’t condone that type of behavior  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
Youre hopeless  
Im going to have to follow you around 24/7 just to protect your wimpy ass  
  
**Josh**  
I don’t need brawn when I have brain  
  
**Bullying fiend**  
So if someone tries to kill you in an alleyway what are you going to do?? Press X to diplomacy??  
  
**Josh**  
Haha funny, but this isn’t a video game North  
And yes, I would try to talk them out of it instead of fighting back  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** Are you kidding me  
  
**Markus**  
That doesn’t sound like the best of ideas.  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** josh you really are hopeless  
  
**Josh  
** Am not!  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** don’t worry josh we’ll protect you ^-^  <3  
  
**Josh  
** I appreciate the sentiment, though I assure you it’s unneeded  
  
**Puppy Eyes  
** If at anytime you need, feel free to call me and I can provide my services. Protecting private citizens comes with my job.  
  
**cinnamon twist**  
see? even connor understands!  
  
**Josh  
** You guys are just too much  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** Listen here fucker I disagree STRONGLY  
  
**Josh  
** You just proved my point!  
  
[14:16] **Puppy Eyes  
** Apologies for interrupting, but I wanted to ask you all something.  
  
**Markus  
** Yes Connor?  
  
**Puppy Eyes  
** Could I perhaps add Lieutenant Anderson to this? I know he is not necessarily a part of Jericho, but as a member of the DPD I thought it could be beneficial to the cause.  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** Connor if you wanted to add your boyfriend all you had to do was say so  
  
**Puppy Eyes  
** Lieutenant Anderson is not my boyfriend! He is my partner and close friend.  
  
**Josh  
** Sooo boyfriend?  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** aw look he’s all flustered :P  
  
**Markus  
** Go ahead Connor.  
  
**Puppy Eyes  
** Thank you, Markus.  
  
**Markus  
** No problem. We would love to have your boyfriend here ;)  
  
**Puppy Eyes  
** He is NOT my boyfriend!

 

**Puppy Eyes has added Hank Anderson to Protect Connor from North’s bullying 2k38**

 

 **Bullying fiend  
** Can we change the chat name  
  
**Josh  
** Hmm  
I think the fuck not :)  
  
**Markus  
** Josh language!  
  
[14:17] **cinnamon twist  
** hi mr. anderson! ^3^  
  
**Hank Anderson  
** what the fuck is this  
  
**Puppy Eyes  
** This is Markus’ group chat.  
  
**Hank Anderson  
** who the fuck r u  
  
**Puppy Eyes  
** It’s me, Connor.  
  
**Hank Anderson  
** ohh

 

**Hank Anderson has changed their name to just hank**

 

 **just hank  
** so is this what youve been doing all day?? texting?  
  
**Puppy Eyes  
** No. I also pre-prepared dinner, walked Sumo and did the laundry before I began ‘texting.’  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** Oh my God hes whipped  
  
**Josh  
** Connor I didn’t know you are such a housewife!  
  
**Puppy Eyes  
** I am not a housewife. I just live with Hank. It’s only fair that I help with the chores as he is gracious enough to allow me to stay in his home.  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** connor you are literally a wife.  
  
[14:18] **Puppy Eyes  
** No.  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** you are. hank’s wife.  
  
**Puppy Eyes  
** No!  
  
**just hank  
** tbh it is kinda like havin a glorified housewife tho  
  
**Puppy Eyes  
** Lieutenant, please!  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** LOL this is hilarious  
  
**just hank  
** i mean cmon  
u cook for me u clean even tho ive said like 1000 times that u dont have to it makes me feel bad  
  
**Puppy Eyes  
** Hank.  
  
**just hank  
** you even IRON my clothes and u GARDEN  
i mean for fucks sake u make me lunch everyday and put cute notes inside with it  
  
**Markus  
** That’s adorable.  
  
**Josh  
** This is the best day of my life, please tell us more  
  
[14:19] **Bullying fiend  
** #Exposed  
#ConnorIsBestWife2k38  
  
**Puppy Eyes  
** This embarasses me greatly.  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** wow i wish connor was MY wife! D:  
  
**just hank  
** wait what  
  
**Josh  
** Actually, yeah. I agree. He is the perfect wife, protector and he’s great at his job.  
**  
just hank  
** what exactly r u trying to say here  
  
**Markus  
** Hm. Connor, maybe you should hang out with us more...  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** Yeah Connor you should just ditch Hank and marry us instead its the obvious solution  
  
**just hank  
** EXCUSE ME ????????? WHAT  
  
**Puppy Eyes  
** I’m… flattered? I think?  
Thanks, but I think I’ll have to kindly decline. You are all great, but I consider you as friends and nothing more.  
  
**Josh  
** So then, if you consider us friends… what do you consider Hank?  
  
**just hank  
** AFGSJKDNSISBQRUJKKBORS  
  
**Puppy Eyes  
** A close friend.  
  
**Markus  
** Hmmm.  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** ohoho >:3c  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** HA THATS LITERALLY SO GAY CONNOR  
  
**just hank  
** asdsghs were jsut friend s  
  
**Puppy Eyes  
** I am an android. I have no concept of sexuality as well as gender.  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** Hank types like a millennial gay and Connor is his twink husband  
Youre both so fucking gay admit it  
  
**Josh  
** I ship it  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** new otp :3  
  
**Markus  
** You and Connor make a very cute couple Hank.  
  
**just hank  
** ZXCBBMB WERE JUST FRIE NDS  
  
[14:20] **cinnamon twist  
** you are a gay icon, hank. a true bear.  
  
**Puppy Eyes  
** How can someone 'type gay'? That's a sexuality, not a typing style.  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** h o m o s e x u a l  
  
**just hank  
** oh my g od  
yanno what

 

**just hank is now offline**

 

 **Bullying fiend  
** Gay rage quit  
  
**Markus  
** Good job, guys.  
  
**Josh  
** Oops  


* * *

**  
Hank Anderson > Connor**

**  
** [14:31] **Hank Anderson  
** hey  
  
**Connor  
** Hello, Lieutenant.  
Sorry about the others. They get excited easily.  
  
**Hank Anderson  
** nah its good  
i wanted to ask u somethin  
  
**Connor  
** Yes?  
  
**Hank Anderson  
** actually no nevermind  
  
**Connor  
** Hank. What is it?  
  
**Hank Anderson  
** dont worry about it its nothin  
  
**Connor  
** Lieutenant, you can tell me anything. I’m always here to listen.  
  
[14:32] **Hank Anderson  
** ur gonna think im stupid for askin this n im gonna regret it but  
ur happy living with me right?  
  
**Connor  
** Of course, Lieutenant. I couldn’t be happier. I enjoy your company and am grateful to have a place I can call home.  
And no, I don't find your question stupid.   
  
**Hank Anderson  
** okay good thats good  
im happy ur happy  
would be lonely without u  
house gets too quiet  
  
**Connor  
** I would be lonely without you too. I know this may be bold of me to say, but I really can’t imagine being anywhere else than by your side.  
  
**Hank Anderson  
** christ con okay dont fucking kill me here im going to have a heart attack jesus  
but me too i uh  
i feel the same  
best partner i ever had.  
  
**Connor  
** I’m happy to hear that. Being your partner has been wonderful and I don't want it to end anytime soon.  
Pardon me asking, but what brought about your question in the first place?  
  
[14:33] **Hank Anderson  
** ugghhgf its stupid i feel like some insecure angsty teen or some shit but  
i dunno. when ur friends were poking fun about u being my ‘wife’  
n they joked about u ditching me for them instead yanno  
i kno they were just joking but  
i dont kno what i was thinking i just, i thought maybe u werent happy and then i was scared youd. leave  
  
[14:34] **Connor  
** I understand, Lieutenant. It’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself.  
  
[14:35] **Hank Anderson  
** yeah sorry im just a silly old man dont worry about  
  
**Connor  
** No, it’s not silly. I still don't completely understand the… feelings side of humanity, but it’s not silly. You have a right to feel. You have the right to be insecure and come to me about what you're feeling.  
And I’m going to worry whether you like it or not because I care. You mean too much to me!  
I’m sorry the others upset you, but I promise you I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be here. I will always be by your side.  
  
[14:38] **Hank Anderson  
** fuck  
okay  
thank you connor  
  
**Connor  
** Of course, Hank.  
  
**Hank Anderson  
** see u at home?  
  
**Connor  
** See you at home, Lieutenant.  


* * *

**  
Kara Chapman > Protect Connor from North’s bullying 2k38  
  
** [14:56] **Kara Chapman  
** Helloo!!  
  
**Markus  
** Hi Kara. How are you?  
  
**Kara  
** Things are lovely, thanks  
What’s been going on?  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** I got arrested  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** connor caught on fire yesterday! :D  
  
**Josh  
** I hate this chat so much  
  
**Kara  
** Ohhh  
So THAT’S what I missed yesterday  
  
**Markus  
** Kara you truly are a saving grace to this chat. I don’t think I can stand these four much longer and now they even added Mister Anderson! Please help me.  
  
**Josh  
** But Markus you just love us so much, what would you do without us?  
  
[14:57] **Bullying fiend  
** Probably cry  
Like a little bitch  
  
**Markus  
** Kara can I come to Canada and hide at your house.  
  
**Kara Chapman  
** Sure Markus, I’ll even knit you a nice sweater while you’re here!!  
  
**Markus  
** Oh thank God.

 

**Markus has changed Kara Chapman’s name to literal angel**

 

 **Bullying fiend  
** Wait you knit?? Please knit me something  
  
**literal angel  
** Ok!!! What would you like me 2 knit?  
  
**Josh  
** Please say something normal  
  
[14:58] **Bullying fiend  
** A giant sword  
  
**Josh  
** Oh for rA9’s sake!  
  
**literal angel  
** Uhh  
I’m not sure I can do that.. but I can try?  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** HELL YEAH  
Markus Im leaving you Ive found my true soulmate  
  
**Markus  
** Considering it’s Kara, I’m not even mad about this.  
  
**Josh  
** Does this mean Markus is on the ‘market’ now?  
  
**Markus  
** Depends. Will you treat me right?  
Take me out to dinner underneath the stars?  
  
**Josh  
** Of course ;) I’ll even bring you a bouquet of roses and then serenade you.  
We’ll talk philosophy all night and I’ll romance you with words of the creative imaginary.  
  
[14:59] **Markus  
** You’re so silly Josh <3  
  
**Josh  
** I know, sometimes I wonder if I should just give up the lectures and become a world-renowned comedian instead!  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** You know what actually you two can have each other youre disgusting  
Kara, my love  
  
**literal angel  
** Uhh yes??  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** Im booking a flight to maple syrup country see you soon Ill be riding in on my moose  
Ill be your knight in shining armor  
  
**literal angel  
** Omg xD Ok North  
Although I’m not so sure Luther will be very happy about that  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** He can catch these hands  
  
**literal angel  
** North pls!! D:  
Noah fence but he would take you down 3 seconds flat  
  
[15:00] **Markus  
** Roasted.  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** north, do i have to come over there and restrain you  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** I am a free spirit YOU CANNOT CONTROL ME  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** i’m coming over  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** I AM AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE  
HEAR ME ROAR  
  
**Josh  
** North SHUT UP I can hear you I live RIGHT NEXT DOOR  
  
**Markus  
** I’m going to buy North a kid leash. Josh would you like to join me?  
  
**Josh  
** Yes we should also buy a spray bottle to spray her with water when she’s bad  
  
**literal angel  
** I recommend buying treats as well as an incentive for good behavior!! :P  
  
**Markus  
** That is an excellent idea, Kara :O  
Thank you for your suggestion!  
  
[15:01] **Bullying fiend  
** Kara you are no longer my soulmate  
  
**literal angel  
** Oops >~< Sorry North!!  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** Apology accepted I cant stay mad at you  
  
**literal angel  
** <333  
  
**Markus  
** Josh I found a leash and the spray bottle.  
  
**Josh  
** I have the treats  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** i can’t believe you guys xD  
  
**Bullying fiend  
** Fuck you guys

 

**Bullying fiend is now offline**

 

 **literal angel  
** Ope someone is mad  
  
**Markus  
** I wonder if she realizes we were just joking.  
  
**Josh  
** Wait  
It was a joke?  
  
[15:02] **Markus  
** Of course! The stores are too far away from where I am anyway. There's no way I'd be able to even get that stuff that fast.  
Wait...  
Josh did you actually go to the store and buy treats?  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** oh my god  
  
**Josh  
** Oh goddammit!  
  
**Markus  
** That's pretty funny. I'm surprised you thought I was being serious.  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** gg josh  
  
**literal angel  
** Uh oh!!  >.<  
  
**Josh  
** MARKUS I JUST BOUGHT LIKE 100 ANDROID DOG TREATS AND I’M LOST IN TARGET IT’S NOT FUNNY  
  
**Markus  
** It’s kind of funny :’>  
  
**Josh  
** Markus come help me  
  
**Markus  
** Okay okay, I’m coming.

 

**Markus is now offline**

**Josh is now offline**

 

[15:03] **cinnamon twist  
** wait did kara just say ope  
  
**literal angel  
** Yes I did!!  
I think.. I've been in Canada too long Dx  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** that's adorable kara!  
  
**literal angel  
** Aw thanks Simon you're so sweet!!  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** no problem ;D  
  
**literal angel  
** :D  
Ttyl Simon!!  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** bye-bye!

  
**literal angel is now offline**

**  
** **cinnamon twist is now offline  
  
**

* * *

   
**just hank > Protect Connor from North’s bullying 2k38**

 

[16:21] **just hank  
** oh and btw  
for ur information i am not gay im BISEXUAL and this is BI ERASURE  
  
**cinnamon twist  
** yeah but you’re still gay for connor  
  
**just hank  
** fuck off

 

**just hank is now offline**

 

 **cinnamon twist  
** :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> simon: youre gay  
> hank: no  
> connor: ):  
> hank: bc im bisexual  
> connor: :)
> 
> this was a trainwreck. dont ask me what josh meant by "the creative imaginary" bc i dont know either ;;; my coworker who was like a philosopher minor said it n i was like "i have NOO fuckin clue what that means but josh would totally say it"  
> sorry this one was so ?? unorganized ?? kind of got ahead of myself Dx i promise tho that things will pick up there will be more stuff. i have a LOT of plans for this fanfic but also i have no clue what im doing
> 
> i had fun doing this chapter tho !! this time i wanted to go for a lil bit more angst & also throw in those ships *inset sprinkling the salt meme*
> 
> this was supposed to be finished & uploaded TWO DAYS ago but my work schedule is fucked rn & family came into town Dx sorry guys
> 
> as always, feedback/comments is so greatly appreciated and i really love u guys!! even if i dont respond i read ALL my comments!! they make me smile like an idiot <3 and i always listen to suggestions. 
> 
> for those of u who wanted kara, she will see more moments in future chapters so dont worry!! luther will join in soon too :D yall will be seeing a LOT more characters this isnt it so brace urselves
> 
> also leave a comment if u notice the references ;) i left a few


End file.
